I was thinking that what I really want, is actually a huge box of colour pencils. And maybe paints, and maybe a whole new drawing block. I havent had a full set of colour pencils for years. I can't help thinking far ahead, thinking of what kind of things I will be doing in the future. I think I have no life. No life outside school. Last year was crazy. I can only remember studying or revising my work every free time I had. Either that or just stoning, or going for long ass walk in which I just stoned. There is nothing that I really want to do in my free time. Nothing that I enjoy when I am by myself. Things like reading, eating, drawing.. occasionally rewatching naruto, reading naruto fanfics, watching america's next top model.. What other things do I do? Nothing much, nothing, really. This reminds me of Honey and Clover. The sound of emptiness. emptiness isnt a peaceful silence. Its hollow and horrible. I dont know why of late, I've been feeling empty. Empty and a bit loser-ish. Maybe its because I dont bother about anything in particular. I dont love anything enough to go bother alot about it. I like music that I listen to on the radio, and anime theme songs and wtever, but I wont bother to go download it. I love anime, but I wont go download it myself. I like many thing, am okay with many things, and seldom dislike things. Is this normal? Manda and my sis keep thinking that they are different, that they arent normal. Maybe everyone at some point will think that they arent normal. Right now, I certainly dont feel like a normal person.

I cant be bothered about alot of things. I dont really know what I want. I cant help but feel aimless. Anime people always have a reason they are alive. Always have a goal and a future they fight for. What do I fight for? No comps to train for, no one to be happy for, no one to help. I feel empty.

Honey and Clover is the anime closest to my heart now. 'I used to think the world was seperated into those that were talented, and those who werent, those who were loved, and those who werent' 'I cycled on and on, just to see how far I could go without turning back. Its not a soul-searching trip.'

If I could, I would rather just draw away, or do something like cosplay, and immerse myself in some physical activity. Some kind of martial arts, maybe, and dance. But jie is right. There will come a time when you find that you want to acheive something, be proud of something.

I still feel empty. I wonder if this is normal. I really do. I think I was born to be okay with anything. To be able to get along with everyone. To be able to accept many things. I can think of this as a gift. But there is a bad side to all this. And..I wonder if happiness is the key to everything. I wonder if at the end, being happy is the only important thing.

I was thinking that what I really want, is actually a huge box of colour pencils. And maybe paints, and maybe a whole new drawing block. I havent had a full set of colour pencils for years. I can't help thinking far ahead, thinking of what kind of things I will be doing in the future. I think I have no life. No life outside school. Last year was crazy. I can only remember studying or revising my work every free time I had. Either that or just stoning, or going for long ass walk in which I just stoned. There is nothing that I really want to do in my free time. Nothing that I enjoy when I am by myself. Things like reading, eating, drawing.. occasionally rewatching naruto, reading naruto fanfics, watching america's next top model.. What other things do I do? Nothing much, nothing, really. This reminds me of Honey and Clover. The sound of emptiness. emptiness isnt a peaceful silence. Its hollow and horrible. I dont know why of late, I've been feeling empty. Empty and a bit loser-ish. Maybe its because I dont bother about anything in particular. I dont love anything enough to go bother alot about it. I like music that I listen to on the radio, and anime theme songs and wtever, but I wont bother to go download it. I love anime, but I wont go download it myself. I like many thing, am okay with many things, and seldom dislike things. Is this normal? Manda and my sis keep thinking that they are different, that they arent normal. Maybe everyone at some point will think that they arent normal. Right now, I certainly dont feel like a normal person.

I cant be bothered about alot of things. I dont really know what I want. I cant help but feel aimless. Anime people always have a reason they are alive. Always have a goal and a future they fight for. What do I fight for? No comps to train for, no one to be happy for, no one to help. I feel empty.

Honey and Clover is the anime closest to my heart now. 'I used to think the world was seperated into those that were talented, and those who werent, those who were loved, and those who werent' 'I cycled on and on, just to see how far I could go without turning back. Its not a soul-searching trip.'

If I could, I would rather just draw away, or do something like cosplay, and immerse myself in some physical activity. Some kind of martial arts, maybe, and dance. But jie is right. There will come a time when you find that you want to acheive something, be proud of something.

I still feel empty. I wonder if this is normal. I really do. I think I was born to be okay with anything. To be able to get along with everyone. To be able to accept many things. I can think of this as a gift. But there is a bad side to all this. And..I wonder if happiness is the key to everything. I wonder if at the end, being happy is the only important thing.