Today's kind a happening day. I really, really happy with my Bio marks. LALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA okay. I was actually feeling abit worried and stressed about gym and everything, but after talking to Livia, Shaun, Chuinyin, Ms lee, Mr Ong, Cheryl, Dorothy, Valerie and Jiaqi, Im in a perfectly normal mood now. I guess before sleeping I'll be thinking about everything again. My sis blasting Olivia and Gravitation soundtrack isn't helping, of course. I just keep getting higher and higher.

Argh..Still I guess now that all's quiet, Im getting stressed again. SENIOOOOOOORRRRRRRS!!!!!!! I always knew this day would come. When jeanne and olly and jiayi will leave, and we will be zui da. I have thought of being captain before. That time very long ago when Jiaqi and I were nominated for captain. But when Jiaqi and I went out today, I was hoping and hoping it would be Jiaqi. Then I could have someone to hide behind. Someone I would support fully and do my best to help make everything better. But someone to hide behind nonetheless. JIAQIIIIIII! I think Im selfish like that. I want to help with all the problems and everything, I want to help make us a stronger team, a powerful team. But Im scared of all the responsiblity, and Im scared of failing. Im scared I can't get my tao. Im scared there will be problems I cant solve.

I was, I guess. I am not totally confident now...

Thankyou for saying you trust me. Thankyou for telling me that I can do it. Thankyou for telling me I have to be more strict and firm. Whatever, my weakness, tell me. Whatever each other's weakness is, tell them, and help them improve. I think what we need now is direction. Like in training what your ren wu is, what dong zuos you have to finish and by when. I will set goals with you, and some form of order in training. So you know what you are supposed to it each training. We cant keep on wasting our training time. We have 6 months to comps. And I do not intent to let you suffer near comps period, when you haven't gotten your tao, and then with training everyday, its going to be stressing for you. Really, really stressing. I guess Im addressing generally everyone, since I really expect everyone to do your best to train get your tao whether you think you may get into comps or not. Because to the sec 2s, you know you have to get your taos so that next year will be less stressing for you, and then you can teach the next batch after we leave. Remember what I told you. And the sec 1s, its the basics. You have to get it right to move on to bdiv. We are all here to help you. Help each other too, cause yall are a big group.

I have goals for myself. I must reach them too. Its a stressing business, and I shall be very firm. When everything's sorted out, and there is order again, and everyone knows what everyone is supposed to do, I will expect everyone to train seriously. You know its not like me to scold or be harsh. I trust you know what you are supposed to do. But if you aren't, I won't be very nice. I can, so don't betray my trust.

Its nice to not be so messy about stuff. I will get the training ren wu and what everyone will be doing what at what time out by thurday. I will hold a meeting on thurdays.

Trainings will get more serious from now on. LETS GET THE GOLDS WE DESERVED THIS YEAR. And gold or not, comps or not, lets acheive something satisfactory for ourselves. And jumping on the tramp is a joy.. one i've been deprived of for almost the whole of this year. I guess only after this did I realise how I missed tramp. The restlessness SUCKS. I have to thank Shihui and Amanda today. And oh, Livia too. You each gave me something very unexpected. Thankyou. Actually, I think everyone in someway did do something to make me feel loved? no. a bit more confident? no. I bit more..I guess a bit more deserving to be your captain. Because I know I cannot do my tao yet, and I am unlikely to get it really soon, and all in all, other than that, I have never thought of myself as any kind of leader. Im not like..Lianghui..not like..Qianwen, not an altogether leadership-ish person. Like that time with the Haunted Maze and Choral Night..I will do it properly. I didn't handle those times very well, I think, but this time..I want to make the seniors proud. I want to make a strong team - for all the trampers. Cause yall are important. Yall are Nanyang trampers. Yall are a new generation. And.. I can't really describe what I feel. Just that today, when the seniors made me say something, I was standing there, all of yall were watching me..I felt.. I felt like "IM RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF YALL NOW!!!" something like that. Someone told me I put too much pressure on myself and think too much. But I have to think about all these, right..?

Im getting more and more incoherent..Im getting more and more..confused. Kind off. I keep replaying the talks with the individual levels. I guess in out, everything, I still find my batch the most difficult to talk to. Maybe cause I think too much. ANYWAY ITS 1 ALREADY! I think I remembered Dorothy threatening me to be awake for envoirnmental thing tomorrow [Envoirnmental Science is supposed to be Nanyang's niche area. :HUH?:] like some..45mins ago?

Today's kind a happening day. I really, really happy with my Bio marks. LALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA okay. I was actually feeling abit worried and stressed about gym and everything, but after talking to Livia, Shaun, Chuinyin, Ms lee, Mr Ong, Cheryl, Dorothy, Valerie and Jiaqi, Im in a perfectly normal mood now. I guess before sleeping I'll be thinking about everything again. My sis blasting Olivia and Gravitation soundtrack isn't helping, of course. I just keep getting higher and higher.

Argh..Still I guess now that all's quiet, Im getting stressed again. SENIOOOOOOORRRRRRRS!!!!!!! I always knew this day would come. When jeanne and olly and jiayi will leave, and we will be zui da. I have thought of being captain before. That time very long ago when Jiaqi and I were nominated for captain. But when Jiaqi and I went out today, I was hoping and hoping it would be Jiaqi. Then I could have someone to hide behind. Someone I would support fully and do my best to help make everything better. But someone to hide behind nonetheless. JIAQIIIIIII! I think Im selfish like that. I want to help with all the problems and everything, I want to help make us a stronger team, a powerful team. But Im scared of all the responsiblity, and Im scared of failing. Im scared I can't get my tao. Im scared there will be problems I cant solve.

I was, I guess. I am not totally confident now...

Thankyou for saying you trust me. Thankyou for telling me that I can do it. Thankyou for telling me I have to be more strict and firm. Whatever, my weakness, tell me. Whatever each other's weakness is, tell them, and help them improve. I think what we need now is direction. Like in training what your ren wu is, what dong zuos you have to finish and by when. I will set goals with you, and some form of order in training. So you know what you are supposed to it each training. We cant keep on wasting our training time. We have 6 months to comps. And I do not intent to let you suffer near comps period, when you haven't gotten your tao, and then with training everyday, its going to be stressing for you. Really, really stressing. I guess Im addressing generally everyone, since I really expect everyone to do your best to train get your tao whether you think you may get into comps or not. Because to the sec 2s, you know you have to get your taos so that next year will be less stressing for you, and then you can teach the next batch after we leave. Remember what I told you. And the sec 1s, its the basics. You have to get it right to move on to bdiv. We are all here to help you. Help each other too, cause yall are a big group.

I have goals for myself. I must reach them too. Its a stressing business, and I shall be very firm. When everything's sorted out, and there is order again, and everyone knows what everyone is supposed to do, I will expect everyone to train seriously. You know its not like me to scold or be harsh. I trust you know what you are supposed to do. But if you aren't, I won't be very nice. I can, so don't betray my trust.

Its nice to not be so messy about stuff. I will get the training ren wu and what everyone will be doing what at what time out by thurday. I will hold a meeting on thurdays.

Trainings will get more serious from now on. LETS GET THE GOLDS WE DESERVED THIS YEAR. And gold or not, comps or not, lets acheive something satisfactory for ourselves. And jumping on the tramp is a joy.. one i've been deprived of for almost the whole of this year. I guess only after this did I realise how I missed tramp. The restlessness SUCKS. I have to thank Shihui and Amanda today. And oh, Livia too. You each gave me something very unexpected. Thankyou. Actually, I think everyone in someway did do something to make me feel loved? no. a bit more confident? no. I bit more..I guess a bit more deserving to be your captain. Because I know I cannot do my tao yet, and I am unlikely to get it really soon, and all in all, other than that, I have never thought of myself as any kind of leader. Im not like..Lianghui..not like..Qianwen, not an altogether leadership-ish person. Like that time with the Haunted Maze and Choral Night..I will do it properly. I didn't handle those times very well, I think, but this time..I want to make the seniors proud. I want to make a strong team - for all the trampers. Cause yall are important. Yall are Nanyang trampers. Yall are a new generation. And.. I can't really describe what I feel. Just that today, when the seniors made me say something, I was standing there, all of yall were watching me..I felt.. I felt like "IM RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF YALL NOW!!!" something like that. Someone told me I put too much pressure on myself and think too much. But I have to think about all these, right..?

Im getting more and more incoherent..Im getting more and more..confused. Kind off. I keep replaying the talks with the individual levels. I guess in out, everything, I still find my batch the most difficult to talk to. Maybe cause I think too much. ANYWAY ITS 1 ALREADY! I think I remembered Dorothy threatening me to be awake for envoirnmental thing tomorrow [Envoirnmental Science is supposed to be Nanyang's niche area. :HUH?:] like some..45mins ago?